14 days of self-imposed quarantine down- with (seemingly) no signs of the virus. A small victory, I suppose. It’s strange how time both elongates and contracts in confinement. When I think back to just over two weeks ago, finishing my last couple days of work, talking to my co-workers, it feels like an eternity. Yet, the days go by quickly. I journal each morning and, as I consider what to write about the past day, I often struggle to determine what I actually accomplished. Thinking back over these two weeks, I feel like I’ve barely finished anything, despite having seemingly worked on all number of projects and tasks. I haven’t felt bored during these two weeks, but what do I have to show for my efforts?
I have always experienced a sense of pressure when it comes to free time, particularly because I have so little of it when I am at work. I am a list-maker and derive a feeling of accomplishment from checking off items from these lists. And while chores like “vacuum the living room” can be easily marked as complete, my time in isolation has been primarily devoted to unpacking the various creative projects and ideas that occupy the back of my mind. This type of work isn’t something that can be finished, crossed off, and then onto the next thing- it requires thought and ample time. And now, presented with an indefinite amount of time, I am learning to break from the pressure to complete, figuring out how to take my time, to make progress while also allowing myself space to relax.
In the present climate, I am privileged with the luxury of controlling my time. It’s just me in my apartment- free to set my own schedule, to do what I want and when I want. My time has always been valuable to me (who of us isn’t always wishing for more time?), so it’s funny to now be faced with nothing but time. As my isolation continues into the next week and into the indefinite future, I’m sure I’ll continue to stumble to figure out the best way to approach this new way of living and, hopefully (eventually) check off some of those projects from my mental list along the way.
XXX
This past week has been mostly grey and overcast, with some moments of rain. But today the sun broke through the clouds and beamed in through all the windows. “March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb” says the old adage. The state of the world still feels very lion-ish, but the brightness and warmer temperatures today felt like a celebratory way to usher in April.
I’ve been sitting on my back porch since mid-afternoon, soaking in the light as I work on various tasks. At some point into my self-quarantine, I told myself that on the first day of April I would plant some seeds. Perhaps it’s a touch premature to start planting (especially considering the temperamental nature of Midwest weather), but I sowed the seeds in my collection of containers and pots. The beautiful day and the beginning of a new month seems a fitting time to begin this process of growing and cultivating- guess we’ll see how it goes…
I feel like the photos from this week capture a range of moods. The news has not been particularly uplifting and, even on walks around my neighborhood, there are signs (quite literally) of how the world has been impacted by coronavirus. I’ve tried to present more day-to-day elements (i.e. I’ve been building my mixology skills), but also included some self-indulgent ‘selfies’ (in my defense there’s no one else to take pictures of!), which give me a chance to capture interesting light or tap into more creative expression.